lackofkathy

lackofkathy @ 2009-11-05T23:00:00

2009-11-06T04:03:09Z

I love when I take adderall and it puts me in one of those moods where I love everyone and everything and I even love hating the things that I hate. I am so thankful that I live in such a nice warm house and have such wonderful people in my life and am getting a great education and have so many opportunities in front of me. I love being proud of myself and getting along with my mom. I love when my dog warms my feet while I do my homework and I love thinking about boys. But more than anything else, I love you! Yes, you!

lackofkathy @ 2009-10-21T22:21:00

2009-10-22T02:23:05Z

Today a few minutes before the choir concert I was talking to Justin Cospito when he looks at me and says "your boobs are looking bigger than they usually do."

........i love high school

lackofkathy @ 2009-09-13T11:17:00

2009-09-13T15:28:19Z

Life is so very good right now! I'm feeling great with school, with friends, and with myself. I didn't expect this!

lackofkathy @ 2009-09-07T22:50:00

2009-09-08T02:52:02Z

Well, that was summer, I guess.
Hopefully I'll have my act together this year. Hopefully I'll be okay this year. Even though I'm terrified, I actually have a pretty good feeling about it.

a 60 hour drive

2009-09-04T06:48:38Z

Robby's moving to Alaska. I'm actually really heart broken.

I don't know how to tell him how great he is. More importantly, I don't know how I'm going to live without him.

lackofkathy @ 2009-08-18T01:38:00

2009-08-18T05:42:00Z

I've missed Rachael so much. I feel like I just got back a part of me that was missing. I don't care how typical that is to say, maybe I am being typical. A typical girl who is reminded of the not so typical love that boils beneath the surface of her life. Though I love taking care of her, I just wish she wouldn't have to be in pain to begin with. My mom always use to say, "I just wish I could wave my magic wand over you so that you wouldn't have to hurt," and I understand exactly what she means. If I had a magic wand, I would wave it over everybody I loved and tell them that they've always deserved better. Maybe I'd wave it over the people who I hated too, and then it would make me realize that they were only awful because they were hurting, too. I would wave it over everyone who ever existed and then I would be the only one left with hurt. But I wouldn't mind because there would be so much love everywhere around me that I would always know it was worth hurting all the time for. I wish I had a magic wand.

lackofkathy @ 2009-08-11T00:20:00

2009-08-11T04:24:28Z

tonight i passed out in the gutter in front of Nick's house. My therapist and I talked about how it's hard to get the love you want from the people that surround you because it's not like you can say "Hey, friends, I could use some love right now". But when I woke up and felt Katie and Molleigh's hands on my shoulders, could here katie crying and asking if I was okay, could hear them check my breathing.. I felt like exactly that was happening. I needed them in the deepest possible way and they loved me in entirety, as I love them.

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-30T00:36:00

2009-07-30T04:37:00Z

I guess it's my birthdayyyyy. I'm thinking about lauren roy a lot. It's her birthday too. well goodnight

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-27T18:15:00

2009-07-27T22:16:00Z

Well on saturday I took my drivers test and I was sure I was about to have a panic attack. But I held up and got a perfect score on my parking. I messed up once when I got into the left turn lane later than she wanted, and again when I slowed down too much while getting off the freeway. Other than that I did great! My dad gave me a high five. So in three days I will be a licensed driver. Which I suppose is a big deal in the common life of an adolescent.
Juliette is very gone and is camping right now somewhere in France. I don't like to think about it. I have been put on prozac, but they're starting me out on 10 mg so I haven't felt anything yet. I am trying very hard to be happy and very hard to be optimistic, because summer is getting closer to it's end and I would just hate myself if I didn't at least try to make the best of it.
Today I was hanging pictures on my wall, and was nailing a nail into the wall. It flew back and hit me in the face, and after that I couldn't find it. A few hours I looked up and it's stuck in my ceiling. I don't want to move it because I think it is too good of a story.
Generally I'd say I'm doing pretty well lately. But I have to keep myself very busy. If I don't, I think too much. And when I think too much, I feel too empty.

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-24T14:28:00

2009-07-24T18:29:15Z

Juliette is leaving and I know I am going to feel very empty and probably wish I was dead. I love her so much

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-18T10:55:00

2009-07-18T14:58:28Z

Last night was the last night Julliette will spend at my house, and today is the last time she'll be with me constantly. That means that by the end of the day I'm going to have to go back to all the things I've been avoiding for a week without any distractions. At least Katie will be home I guess.

Tomorrow

2009-07-17T06:41:32Z

Julliette and I go to Cedar Pointe.

I love AnnIe and Amelie and that is that

mister cellophane

2009-07-16T07:44:31Z

I am completely sure that Juliette and I will be life long friends. She is such a blessing in my life sent at just the right time!

I also am loving that Emma is back in my life, and missing Kate too much.

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-12T18:59:00

2009-07-12T23:02:15Z

I see Dave on wednesday. It feels like it's been ages. I feel like I am a different person! A worse one.

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-12T14:48:00

2009-07-12T18:49:32Z

http://northville.skyrock.com/1.html

wowwwww, I love Juliette so much.
It just makes me sad that I have to use google translate for a lot of it.

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-10T14:44:00

2009-07-10T18:46:14Z

I forgot to mention that I've lost 6 and a half pounds in a month! It was completely unintentional.. but of course my mother and doctors don't think so, and are trying to "fatten me up".

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-09T04:21:00

2009-07-09T08:21:54Z

At this rate I feel like I'm going to spend the right of my life pacing back and forth lost in thought

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-07T18:02:00

2009-07-07T22:06:17Z

All these pictures from the party are on a private facebook album. If you want to see them, just let me know and I'll include your name in who can view the album.

lackofkathy @ 2009-07-04T11:53:00

2009-07-04T15:54:07Z

Don't tell your mother that you are afraid
Don't tell your lover that your heart might break
Don't tell your gods you no longer believe
Because as soon as you say it out loud they will leave you
And you will miss them oh so bad
And you will wait for their return
And you will wish they were your own
But gods that have left you will never grace your home

even

2009-06-10T23:20:09Z

though I got a 63% on my math final, today has been a wonderful day! Only two more days, mannnnn

you know how

2009-06-10T02:38:59Z

there's that saying that the you can look at the class half empty or half full?
and how sometimes people express themselves by saying that they are half empty or half full?
It occurred to me that I don't know which one I am, or if I am even 1/4 full or 2/3 empty or even 1/16 empty.
I think this is because I am (and hell, maybe we all are) so stirred up and shaken that our inner liquids are constantly splashing around and so I couldn't say how full I am since I am just a big mess.
And I probably should take into account that the liquid inside my inner glass is probably carbonated.. I couldn't tell you why. With that said, there's the whole element of that bubbly stuff that fizzes at the top. Does that go towards the half empty/half full liquid account? or do you have to subtract it from your total volume?
Another thought: I am so fucking done with adderall and done with thinking about stupid shit like my fucking inner liquids. holy shit.

My boyfriend is wonderful

2009-06-07T19:41:55Z

Today is the last sunday of dreading monday, the worst day to be procrastinating, and the worst day to be missing my man. But it is the best day for a cigarette and the best day to realize that I've got it so damn good.

mmmm

2009-06-05T03:03:14Z

my life is starting to get so good! I can breathe more easily and things are getting much better. All it takes are a few good days and the realization that you just made it through another year of high school, and everything turns around.

P.S. my brother gave me a sip of his Arabic coffee today...
I miss him too much

Today I successfully

2009-06-01T18:53:54Z

-Fucked my math grade over completely
-Broke the trust of my beautiful best friend (thanks for that, Kate)
-Texted in french

(the last one is the only one I am proud of.)

I'm going to bed

2009-06-01T03:27:40Z

because I suck. Plain and fucking simple.